When I was in high school, our health education curriculum included a section on refusal skills.  We were taught five steps through which we could refuse peer pressure.  They were: 1) ask questions 2) name the trouble 3) state the consequences 4) suggest an alternative 5) move it, sell, and leave the door open.  To demonstrate our proficiency in refusal skills, we had to role-play, and we were graded on our performances.  I’m sad to say that I did not do so well in my evaluation.  I was pretty good at saying no.  For the most part I could try and think up proper responses for one through three.  If pressed, I could try and respond to number four, even if my alternative wasn’t all that thrilling.  However, step number five eluded me.  Even in a role-play, I couldn’t “sell” my alternative.   In today’s world, I don’t think the Church is earning an A in refusal skills either.

On many topics, the Church issues a resounding no.  That “no” takes the place of steps 1 through 3.  Then it stops.   We don’t often issue an alternative with our “no”.  The door doesn’t seem to be open; rather, it slams shut in our faces.

So, how can the Church get an “A” in refusal skills?  Well, let’s go back through the steps:

Step 1:  Ask questions.

Let’s stop and examine the topic and the issue at hand.  What is the issue?  Who does it impact?  How does it relate to the Church and Her members?  How does it relate to the public?  In what way is the issue against the Catechism?    What is the basis of the problem?  Is it a law issue, a spiritual issue, or both?  Where does it have its roots?  This requires us to really dig into the roots of the problem.  With what special interest group are we dealing?  Is our “no” a band-aid or a long-term fix?

Step 2:  Name the trouble.

After we’ve asked questions, we can name the trouble.  This issue is against the Church’s teachings because _______.

Step 3:  State the consequences

In the most loving way possible express that certain actions will take us away from a life of love in Christ.

If the people do X, then Y will happen.

If the people do Z, then A will happen.

Step 4:  Suggest an alternative

Instead of doing X, we offer this solution because it is more in keeping with the Church’s mission of spreading God’s love.  This is what will keep us growing in holiness.

Step 5:  Move it, sell it, and leave the door open

Move it:  Live it!  Everybody, everywhere, every day, living the alternative will give concrete examples of how to make the alternative work.

Sell it:  When we live it, we have to love it.  We have to show we love the alternative.  We have to thrive living it.

Leave the door open:   We are members of the Catholic Church, the Universal Church.  The proverbial door is always open.  We can all do better and live holier lives.  Love more and condemn less.

Our “no” is not winning hearts, minds, or votes.

Each of us can take time to ponder the issues and look into their roots and how they pertain to Church teachings.  We can choose to live the teachings of the Church.  We can choose to love that life.  We can choose to thrive.  We can leave the door open for people to join us in our joy.

We need our Church to do the same as a unit.  We need to do this together.  Otherwise, we’ll all fail refusal skills.