Pope Francis Endorses Ted Cruz

In a somewhat surprising development, Pope Francis has endorsed Ted Cruz. Francis writes:

While Donald Trump may have more character and integrity than Ted Cruz, I nevertheless believe Cruz is the right man for the job. I firmly believe that Cruz will foster a culture, from the top down, that honors the Constitution—which is naturally the top priority for all Catholics. Cruz has a plan to lower taxes for everyone, abolish the IRS, and repeal job-killing regulations that hurt workers and small businesses—what Catholic could oppose a plan so devoted to the free market? Some might ask: how can this be reconciled with the preferential option for the poor? Just remember, it’s optional (thus the name). Maybe next time I’ll take the other option—hang on to hope, poor people! Now I know Ted Cruz has promised to commit war crimes by carpet bombing those living under the tyranny of ISIS. At the same time, YOLO. Ted Cruz values the lives and well-being of American Christians above all else. He’s the right choice in 2016!

This is obviously an April Fools’ joke. It remains unclear if the other endorsements of Cruz by prominent Catholics and Catholic organizations, which completely overlook his many deficiencies and even praise positions that cannot be reconciled with Church teaching, are part of an even more elaborate joke.